Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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