i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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