best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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