cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize