Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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