dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
