woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
