Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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