Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
