Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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