He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
