We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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