You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
