my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
