OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize