how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
