That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
