I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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