Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
