If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is wine microwaveable?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
