fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it glows. i had to have it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
