yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize