I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
