I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
