I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
