If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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