guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
