zippers are such a cool invention
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
