Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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