So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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