I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
