I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Boobs speak an international language.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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