TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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