Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
