the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
