So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize