We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
