No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
