I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
