Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
FUCK WHALES
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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