dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
