So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
