somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
