I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
