He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
