capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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