if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
