call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
