I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
