just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
