Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dick very happy bro
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
