I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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