Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize