i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
