man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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