I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize