Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
