Sponge bath it is.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
