Kiss
Puke
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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