Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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