His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
