you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
