So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize