Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people

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(925): View more from California

You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single

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(816): View more from Missouri

I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science

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(415): View more from California

Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.

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(256): View more from Alabama

2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts

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(224): View more from Illinois

This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.

(309): View more from Illinois

Too low?

(224): View more from Illinois

Yes.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.

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(315): View more from New York

And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru

(1-315): View more from New York

That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season

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