between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
