Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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