I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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