just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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