I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
