I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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