your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
