hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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