Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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