im six kinds of drunk right now
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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