sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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