I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
