i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
